Rogue(ish): The Making of a "Circus" Bear

Until recently, I've either had a goatee, soul patch, or mostly clean shaven.  This summer, I began to grow a beard.  Not the ZZ Top kind of beard, rather a trim and neat scruff around and just above my jaw line.  It's a very natural look for me and I am loving it.  It is, however, considerably grey on the sides.  This works for me, because my eyes are blue...kind of a balance.  It "butches" me up from my usual preppy Brooks Brothers look. 

Sliding right into the "40" home plate, I have grown comfortable in my own skin.  I'm not the waif, pretty twink I used to be...I'm not even the playful 30 something "otter" anymore.  Rather, I will skid into "40" sideways...on two wheels...probably on fire...with a scotch in one hand and giving a "thumbs up" with the other screaming "I got this!"  After, I'll probably dust myself off and present myself to the world as a "Circus Bear".

I'm not sure how I coined myself with this playful title.  It may have included a bottle of champagne, a handsome man in a bath towel, and Judy Garland...but, that's a private story (which means I'll save it for later).  On the other hand, I based it on the new outlook for myself.  Still confident, still strong...but, a little more "chillaxed"...if that's even a word anymore.  I'm still a very social animal...LOVE a cause!  I usually try to always look my best when out and about, making me a very well dressed bear.  I'm a fan of color, so I'll always be remembered...if not by my social graces, by the vivid colors and textures I mix.  I figure if I'm going to be seen, I'm should be remembered.

Now, going back to the bear part.  I'm by no means obese...a little extra somethin' to love, sure.  But, I do love food...good food...no, GREAT food.  This will never change.  I do stay active enough to burn extra calories I don't want.  So this would be the a description of a bear, really.  More mature, furry, bearded, heavier frame, and jovial.  Ah, jovial.  Bears, in the "Gay Pantheon" are said to be the most friendly and personable.  We make great companions because of our devoted personalities and ferocious appetites for life.  So, I really couldn't have fallen into a more perfect community. 

There are many kinds of bears.  Polar bears: Mature or Senior white-haired gents, Pandas: Asian descent, Black bears: African American gentlemen, Grizzlies: wildly, hairy, and very large and in charge...the list goes on and on.  I've never heard of a circus bear until I appointed myself with the title.  I would say the circus bear is  definitely jovial, playful, well dressed, and can laugh at himself hysterically.  This makes for a happy circus bear!



Genteel: Fella' vs. Beau

My friends have been waiting, some in anguish, for me to start dating...or show the slightest interest in it.  To be honest, until recently, I have been very content to live a life of a single man.  I retrained my single mind  that there was no one that could ever pull me out of bachelorhood or keep me out of trouble, until he got in my way at bar in Pensacola.  Since then, about 4 weeks ago, we can't seem to stop laughing, texting, and anxiously awaiting our next date.  You see, this gentleman wasn't from Savannah, Houston, Charleston, or New Orleans...which is generally my luck to go "gaga" for an "out of towner".  He lives right here in the Bluff City!  Which makes things, well, convenient!

While I had settled for bachelorhood, I had a specific "requirements" list for any prospects, nonetheless.  I thought that there wasn't a man  that could fill these "requirements" completely.  And here they are...

1. He must be a SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN (equally, as I)

2. BLUE EYES...with soul

3. MUST be a "FAMILY GUY"...love your home, family, and friends

4. Be SPIRITUAL...believe in something bigger than the rest of us

5. Have a JOB, earn a LIVING, and know your LIMITS

6. Be HONEST, TRUE, BRAVE, and PATRIOTIC

7. A "Rock n Roll" SPIRIT and a "Country" SOUL

8. TASTE...in reference to STYLE

9. Enjoy the same/similar kind of  "extracurricular activities"

10. Genuinely and effortlessly ENJOY "me"

These requirements get the lucky gent to the "Fella" level.  This is a level most common to gentlemen of my social set as being "boyfriend".  I detest the word, for some reason.  "Boyfriend" just seems a little juvenile...almost silly sounding.  I think that "fella" is more appropriate..."more fitting".  It's a sweet, quaint, and amusing endearment.  "Hello, so and so, this is my fella'..." it just rolls right off the tongue like an ice cube in the summer.  So, my fella' just realized (and is amused to learn) there is, in fact, another level to my specific courtship. 

The "Beau" level is something that will come in time.  Kinda' like "when it happens, I'll know".  This level is more intimate, more personal, and more complex.  Myriads of emotions and long discussions about future plans.  Definitely things that two good lookin' Southern fella's like us will discover privately.  "Beau" level takes on a certain responsibility that is a step above "fella".  The intensity of the relationship is greater as a "Beau"...it's not all fun and games...ask ANYONE who knows me.  But, that's the lovely part...taking the bad with the good.

Summer Infusion

I don't know what it is about the late spring and summer that make me want to post on this blog.  It's been a long time, but I feel like I need to give it one last go before kicking the whole blog overboard.  I generally post more in the warmer months for some reason.  I don't know why that it, it just is.  ANYWAY...

I'm throwing the first "pool party" of the season this weekend.  So, I thought to infuse a few liquors for special  cocktails for birthday boys Jon and Jon (two of my very close friends)  And knowing that every detail must be perfect for, not only the birthday boys, but all our guests...I'm mixing some special cocktails that require special infusions.  The main cocktail will be rosemary and lemon  infused vodka for some spiked lemonade.  I thought the green essence from the rosemary would be very refreshing and the lemon would provide some balance. 

The menu consists of barbecue...pork and chicken...and maybe some sausage.  So, something fresh is definitely in order.  The sweetness will come with dessert...what that will be, I don't even know.  Here is a shot of the vodka...on the left.  The Ball jar on the right is filled to the rim with tequila and pineapple.  This will be reserve...for our trip to Pensacola beach in a few weeks. 

Pineapple tequila is an infusion I learned from a dear friend in Alabama.  He and his partner are somewhat genius when it comes to mixing and infusing liquors.  I only hope that I did good by him.  The first time I was introduced to this was in Key West.  I had just arrived at a guest house and had immediately escaped to the pool.  I was surrounded by gorgeous men...(in the altogether)...and my friend and his partner.  He pulled out a flask and poured some shot glasses...handed me one and shrugged his eyebrows.  This only meant trouble.
Long story, short...I found myself in the middle of the pool with my room keys at the bottom of the pool...it was long after midnight...many hours after the drinks were poured.  Needless to say, this is the perfect cocktail/shot for thirsty Memphians on the hot Pensacola beach...in just a few short weeks.



Imbolc

I came out of the "broom closet" last night and realized that I had not made that formal announcment on this blog.  The announcment that I have chosen a spiritual path a little unconventional and a little out of the norm for the area in which I live and the people that I most surround myself with.  Most of my closest friends know that I am a pagan...and most of these friends are Christian, catholic, and jewish...and we all have a peaceful and respectful relationships.  And we all consider ourselves blessed to have each other.  We all live each day with at least one nod to the divine...in one shape, way, or form.  But, when my sabbat day/night comes around, I always feel like I'm in my own boat.  Most don't know today as a sabbat...folks see it as groundhog day.  My catholic friends may celebrate with St. Brigid's day or Candlemas, but it still leaves me aside of the mainstream...and that's fine with me.  My sabbat day started at sunrise (a beautiful on here in Memphis)...a beautiful sabbat named Imbolc.

Imbolc is one of the four principal festivals of the pre-Christian Celtic calendar, associated with fertility ritual, was subsequently adopted as St Brigid's Day in the Christian period, and in more recent times has been celebrated as a fire festival, one of eight holidays, festivals (4 Solar and 4 Fire/lunar) or sabbats of the Neopagan wheel of the year. Imbolc is arguably one of the predecessors of the Christian holiday of Candlemas.

Essentially, for modern neopagans, this day is about the promise of springtime.  We celebrate with lots of candles that represent the returning light (much like Yule).  I personally light large beeswax candles and create a small "alter" space including flowers and anything that might remind me of springtime.  It serves as a space to meditate for a few days to energize my mind and body to focus on possiblilities, much needed consistent warm weather (even though we're off to a great start)...and, basically granting myself a "do over" card for the new year.  There are no potions, no great ritual, none of that.  I'm more solitary in my practice, so no need for a lot of fanfare for this sabbat.  It's all about turning inward, working out the kinks, looking at possibilities, and rejuvination.  So, from this southern "witch"...Blessed Imbolc, ya'll!

Stronger

Yesterday: Tax returns came in the mail. Somehow, a return had been delivered in care of Robert D Day.   The moment took me off guard. "Meh.", says I and simply shuffled it to the back of the pile of mail and continued as if I never saw it at all!  I texted him to let him know that I'd be delivering today.  Then, I continued about my afternoon.  This said, my friends are probably making a collective gasp...and sigh...I have arrived.

Two years ago: My life, as I knew it, came crashing down around my alligator loafers.  There was a walk out, a break up, a "get back together", another break up, a move out, another "get back together", and then a final break up...the final.  It took a year, many lost friendships, a few broken hearts, and a few "do over friendships" , apologies, and very unbalanced emotions.  A definite life changing situation.  Through all of it, I managed to stay true to myself...never made promises I couldn't keep...and basically kept myself protected.  I found myself...I found my soul...I got my groove back.  And at the two year(ish) anniversary I HAVE ARRIVED!!!

Today: I'm not a Kelly Clarkson fan, but I am a fan of Steel Magnolias.  One of the many inspirational lines deliverd is "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."  I've always believd this.  I found this "hit song" by Kelly Clarkson and decided to use it as my "personal anthem" today.  I have finally arrived...I am something he will never be...stronger.

Knowing The Genteel Rogue: Round Two

I asked a delicious young man to help me out with the development of these questions.  He obliged and the texting started.  Actually, the texting is still happening.  The questions are very good...I'm sure my therapist has asked me a few of these...

Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

I recall being in Key West one year and got hooked on Key West Aloe products that the cleaning staff would leave in the room each day.  So, I think I took those.  I do know that I still use the products...stocking up when I go down there and even online orders.

Least favorite movie?

I don't have any particular least favorite movie.  I try to find something good in everything.  I don't like westerns, most romances, action, or ridiculous comedies...I like dry humor...sarcasm...and an occasional slapstick classic.

Would you ever strip or pose for a magazine?

I assume this would be posing nude...um, no.  It's just not for me.

What did you want to be when you grew up, as a child?

I remember that I was always creative...I think I wanted to be an artist.

Ever won a spelling bee?

No.  And I never tried.

Ever cry because you were so happy?

Yes, I'm sure.  I don't like to wear my heart on my sleeve.  I consider it to be weak.  However, I do cry in private...both in happiness and sadness.

First concert?

I think it was a symphony...not sure.  I can't remember.

Favorite fruit pie?

PEACH!

Do you celebrate 420?

I could play ignorant, but I won't.  I haven't celebrated that day in years.

Ever kick a vending machine?

Not only have I kicked a vending machine...I knocked one over.

At what age did you discover Santa wasn't real?

I had to be 11 or 12...I took it very hard.  Now, I have learned that he IS real...or at least the spirit is.

Favorite girls/boys name?

I have to say my brother did well...he has two beautiful children and I adore their names.  Jon Mitchell and Ashton Thayer.

Would you survive in prison?

I was in the US Navy...therefore, I think I could survive anything after such a life lesson.  Prison and the Navy are very different.  But, I would probably survive.

What song best describes your life right now?

wooooow...that's an entire post. 

What's your favorite word?

EXQUISITE

Knowing The Genteel Rogue: Round One

I'm sure everyone that blogs goes through this topic a few times, at least.  The topic of "favorites".  The trouble really comes when the answers are multiple.  And the longer I live, the longer the multiples list becomes.  Here is what I know for a fact...this week.

Color(s): Purple and Orange.  Purple is that really spiritual color that dazzles with it's various shades from cool to warm.  I've been told that radiant purples bring out my blue eyes.  The color orange is the same way.  It can be cheerful, comfortable, rustic, chic, all kinds of emotions with this color...

Comfort food(s): Definitely starchy foods.  Creamy, cheesy, and salty.  Mac and Cheese is one of my favorite comfort foods since I was a kid.  Thick soups and stews make me warm inside, too.  Warm, buttery mashed potatoes make me feel like I'm at home.

Flower(s): Jasmine, for the exotic perfume...orchids, for the graceful lines...gardenias, because it's nostalgic and beautiful.  My all time favorite is the Stargazer Lily...because it always has been...it's tried and true.

Dream Vacation Spot: I've been to some amazing places...but, if I had to choose a "dream vacation" it would be on an island or beach...a seashore...perhaps in the Med...Capri or Istanbul, Turkey.

Author(s): Hemingway, Tennessee Williams, Faulkner, Walt Whitman, Mark Twain...my tastes lie in reading about adventure, home, passion, humor, ideas...

Movie(s): All time favorite is Auntie Mame with Rosalind Russell...Harvey with James Stewart is another...most current favorite is Midnight In Paris.

Phobia(s): I can honestly say that I'm not afraid of much.  Snakes are an immediate turn off...but, I don't usually seek them out.  If it were the 19th century, I might be afraid of being buried alive.  Being trapped underwater, deep caves, and tight spaces freak me out a little.